Friday Fail Extra!

EXTRA

Let's shed some extra light on the murkiness that is WARRIOR.

(Click the pick to jump to the FAIL Review!)

In my review of that set I asked....
...if anyone can translate the non-English part of this package, drop me a line at bat_hero@hotmail.com. I'd love to include that information here.

And here, faithful readers, is a response to that request!

-----

Alright first things first, I'm NOT from China. Nothing to do with that place. I'm from Singapore -- that's nowhere near China.

ANYWAY, you may put this on your post about the warrior...

金刚勇士。
Pronounced, jin gang yong shi (jean gah-ng your-ng sh)

gang as in government.
yong as in your.
shi as in shhhhh

Breaking it up,

金 basically means golden.

刚 means "just now" -- this doesn't even make sense!
I think they actually intended to type 钢, which means armour.
Gosh, I'm no Chinese intellectual, and yet I could point out a mistake those bootleg toy-makers made in their own tongue.

勇 means brave.

士 means soldier, or warrior, if you prefer.

So basically ~

Brave warrior in golden armour.

Oh, PLEASE.

Also,

Design is not stand for original product.

It could go two ways:
1) Box art does not represent actual product.
2) Our design is not a copy of [does not stand for] the original LEGO brick. (YEAH, right...)

Yeah, hope all that helps!

Yours sincerely,
Siango Lee.
---

Heh. I guess the "golden armor" partof the translated title explains away the yellow life vest. Sort of.

Thank you, Siango Lee!

Friday Fail: Star Wars

Every Friday at noon I showcase a real failure of a toy. And by "Failure" I mean "a cheap, crappy knockoff toy that should be destroyed before it infects humanity with some sort of degenerative disease".

But first: A reminder of some basic info. These posts are meant to showcase FAILURE, not to act as a catalog. I'm not selling these bootlegs, nor should you go out and look for them on your own. These are posts about what to AVOID buying. Go spend your money on real LEGO parts. You'll be glad you did.

--

Today we have another impulse-set sized bootleg, but this one has a whole host of copyright infringements to look at. Starting with the name. I mean...who hasn't heard of...

Okay, so maybe "Star Wars: Super Bricks Series" is a bit obscure, but the big title sure sounds like a brand name that carries more copyrights than any sane person would shake a stick at.

And if you doubt the link...well, look at the TIE fighter that appears just under the logo!

Ah, but the FRIDAY FAIL is all about LEGO Knock-offs, so let's flip the box over and take a look at the front of the box....

(Click for a larger view)

Ah, yes. Star Wars. Or, more LEGO-thematically, a revisit of the 2001 "Life on Mars" theme. The martian is a bit deformed (more on that in a bit), but there's no mistaking the aqua-blue limbs and ant-like head. But lets hold off on looking at the parts until we get done ripping the packaging apart.

For starters, this set is from the Bootleg-Vendor BRICK - as shown by their nearly-LEGO Logo. The "Super Brick Series" is in the same assortment that previous FAILS Pirate Raider and Motive Train have hailed from.

Looking closer at the artwork on the front of the package, you can see where BRICK decided that aping Star Wars and LEGO weren't enough to ensure a sale...they had to bring in Star Trek vehicles as well.

Just under the logo is the Enterprise-E....

And also shown is a random Starfleet vessel from one of the movies.

Now that in itself is pretty sad - but here's something even sadder. Take a look at the inset in the close-up below.

Now, I don't expect anyone else to recognize it, but that's a part of the cover art to one of my favorite Science Fiction books of all time:

Yes, the graphic designers at BRICK stole the cover to Greg Bear's Anvil of Stars for use as their background. Did they like the book, too? Or was this just an early result on a google image search for "Star Background"?

We may never know.

For now, flip the box over to the back and you'll get even more space action...

(Click for a larger view.)

Note the standard BRICK copy, along with the standard "andgreat" one-word-typo.

Vivid Andgreat In Style
Handsome Appearance

The logo was covered above, but there's another TIE on the left...

Amazing. Moving on, here are some shots of the other sides of the box. The art is just cropped versions of the front and back images.

The Motive Train Non-Haiku returns:

chariots without rival
many colr a lot.
selected freely by you.

This side has some new text:

• Most new catena
• completely new to come in to the market
• more new items available

Sad, really.

Again, nothing too new here, just failure after epic failure.

Here's the child-safety warning - although suggesting this is safe for any age is a lie.

Okay. Time to move beyond the packaging and into...Star Wars.

As usual from BRICK we get a poly-bag of parts, a cheaply printed instruction sheet, and a feeling of impending doom.

Here's the parts spread out for our inspection. As usual, BRICK has broken small assemblies down to their component parts. This time the gear-shift/antenna thingies are broken into a base and a handle. The box claims 38 pieces - I'm counting 37. Maybe the instruction sheet is meant to count as a part this time. As usual the colors vary from the box art.

(Click for larger view)

The instruction sheet is cheaply printed - the color separations aren't very good, and well...the instructions themselves suck. Take a close look. Steps 2 and 3 show the arms being attached twice. The assembly that the Alien stands on never gets broken down, but there's an entire step dedicated to putting the big gun into his hands. Trying to follow along and build this was actually a bit of a headache for me. Aren't you glad you don't have to?

For the first time on the Friday Fail I also ran into an assembly that just didn't work. These parts would NOT click together. The problem seemed to be a poorly cast black base part. The other problem is that these are just CRAP.

Speaking of CRAP, here's the bootlegger's idea of an alien. The tan brick is just used as a stand...otherwise this figure just sort of lies there.

For comparison, here's the actual LEGO toy that is being duplicated. Note the better paint job on the face, the parts that fit together, and, oh yeah....LEGS.

Anyways...

Here's the final Star Wars toy assembled. It's sort of a hybrid between the LEGO destroyer-droid from the legit Star Wars sets (the gun/binocular assembly in particular is a clue to this) and...an airplane? I dunno.

I guess BRICK gets a couple of points for creating a truly alien looking construction. Too bad it's unstable, breakable, fragile, and...a bootleg. In other words: STAR CRAP.

--

Once again, many thanks to Joe from The Undiscovered Playthings for sending me this set to review.

Episode 622

Read the comic here.

Yes, I realize if Wash died L'il Whiskey wouldn't automatically change to some other name. The implication is that Fox would remarry and L'il W would be adopted by the new father. Trust me, Fox knew what he meant.

IN BEFORE Names don't work liek that

A new webcomic to read

Frequent Reasonably Clever visitor Nick has been busy creating his own web comic, and recently passed the two-month mark on episodes. Why not give it a try? The House on the Hill

Episode 621

Read the comic here.

Slight Delay

Comic will be delayed a bit today - should be up this afternoon.

Episode 620

Read the comic here.

We meet L'il Whiskey today. Mary Beth will turn up shortly.

Episode 619

Read the comic here.

So now our cast is up to speed on things...well, all the adult cast, anyway. Except Old Whiskey. maybe. There's still the question of how much he knows about things...and he's not talking right now.

The similarities of this strip to BTTF:2 have been remarked on before.

Oh, and the reason that Wash and Fox naming their child Whiskey is ironic? Yet to be revealed.

Episode 618

Read the comic here.

Friday Fail: Motive Train

Every Friday at noon I showcase a real failure of a toy. And by "Failure" I mean "a cheap, crappy knockoff toy that should be destroyed before it infects humanity with some sort of degenerative disease".

But first: A reminder of some basic info. These posts are meant to showcase FAILURE, not to act as a catalog. I'm not selling these bootlegs, nor should you go out and look for them on your own. These are posts about what to AVOID buying. Go spend your money on real LEGO parts. You'll be glad you did.

--

Today we continue with our run of Impulse-Sized Bootlegs. This time there's no mini-figure to scowl at, instead we have a mini-model of dubious quality....MOTIVE TRAIN.

As you can see from the box front above, this is another offering from our Bootleg-Buddies at "Brick". Like the Pirate Raider set, the logo is a near-match for the official LEGO branding. The box is full color, with glossy-stock printing on all sides.

I'm not sure if the "Motive Train" logo is a copy of someone else's work (although I wouldn't be surprised), but the name itself needs a bit of scrutiny. Motive train? As in "the reason something was done"?

Maybe they meant the lesser knowing "causing motion" secondary meaning. Or perhaps it's just short for "Locomotive". Although a better abbreviation would have been "LOCO".

The back of the box is pretty much the same as the front, minus the BRICK logo and part counts. Instead, we get a clip-art shot of a train (perhaps to help make sure you know what the toy is supposed to be) and some standard BRICK promotional copy:

Vivid Andgreat In Style, Handsome Appearance

The clip-art background is once again too fuzzed out to be sure where it was lifted from. The train does seem to be moving along at a quick pace, though, judging from those motion-blur lines.

This side of the box again has the Motive Train logo and the BRICK-Text. Note how "andgreat" continues to be one word.

This side panel offers some new text to decode:

chariots without rival
many colr a lot
selected freely by you

It's almost a haiku. But not. Note the missing "o" in "color". And notice the "selected freely by you" reminder. That means if you buy this piece of crap it's really only your own fault. You really should know better.

Speaking of knowing better, here's the safety warnings on the bottom of the package. Note the spelling on "color" this time - that's international English. So it seems they left out "ou" in on the side panel, not just the "o".

Opening the box we find a poly-bag of parts and a one-sided color print of assembly instructions.

Spreading out the parts, we find 17 of them. This matches the part count on the box front. For a change the colors almost match the box - except for the two round 2x2s changed from brown to black.

Once again the "LEGO" brand name has been removed from the parts and replaced with "HOLI".

Here's an interesting change. Rather than spring for the more expensive rubber tire and hub construction offered by LEGO, the people at BRICK recast the part into a single blob of plastic. (LEGO parts are on the right for comparison)

The instructions are fairly straight forward. Actually, it's not a bad bit of building - the use of the angle brackets is clever, anyway. Eh. There's probably a legit LEGO mini-kit somewhere with this design.

Finally, here's a side by-side of the BRICK bootleg on the right, and the same parts from my LEGO collection on the left. (No, I didn't bother to find the right color LEGO to match BRICK's choices. I picked colors that might actually look decent.)

While both models look very similar, you just need to pick them up to feel the lightweight construction of the BRICK knock-off. The parts are thin and brittle in places, thick and gloppy in others. And while the LEGO version rolls smoothly across the desk, the BRICK version sits there like...well....a brick.

All in all, this is a good example of why you need to be vigilant in avoiding knock-off brands. While they might fool the untrained eye, you really don't want this sort of crap to sneak into your collection.

--

Once again, many thanks to Joe from The Undiscovered Playthings for sending me this set to review.

Episode 617

Read the comic here.

Nothing like a little Paradox to start your day.

Episode 616

Read the comic here.

I know some of you are ahead of the strip on this twist already - it wasn't meant to be a real puzzle. Just sit back and watch the fun as the characters figure things out...

Tomorrow: The much demanded return of Zombie Wash.

Episode 615

Read the comic here.

Learn More: Corn Syrup

Episode 614

Read the comic here.

No, I'm not sure what the giant squid has to do with Whiskey's condition. The piece is from set 7775, Aquabase Invasion, and looked "science-y" enough to use as a data read-out.

Episode 613

Read the comic here.

Yeah, I'm a day behind. Things will get caught up sometime this week.

Fox's signature on the note is supposed to have a cute little "couples only" thing in it. Signing a note "XXOO" is shorthand for "hugs and kisses". So Fox has adapted that into something uniquely her own.

Not sure if it really came across in the strip, but that's what I was thinking, anyway.

Friday FAIL: Warrior

The Friday FAIL

Every Friday at noon I showcase a real failure of a toy. And by "Failure" I mean "a cheap, crappy knockoff toy that should be destroyed before it infects humanity with some sort of degenerative disease".

But first: A reminder of some basic info. These posts are meant to showcase FAILURE, not to act as a catalog. I'm not selling these bootlegs, nor should you go out and look for them on your own. These are posts about what to AVOID buying. Go spend your money on real LEGO parts. You'll be glad you did.

Okay. That out of the way, let's move on to today's dose of FAIL, another impulse-set sized knockoff called....WARRIOR.

The image above is from the side of the toy's box. Like many bootlegs, the packaging is more of a draw than the contents. This small box is printed on all sides with shiny, full color graphics. I have no idea what the characters around the sword say, but "Warrior" is pretty straightforward. (And in a legible font, for once.) The toy shown is a mix of LEGO parts - The horse is fairly standard and has been around for years - the Warrior a mix of the 2007-2009 Castle offerings with a shield from the Adventure sets and a face from the Racers line.

(Click for larger view)

It's the strange choice for the Warrior's head that first gives you a clue that you're looking at something not quite legitimate. How often are the knights of the round table shown wearing sunglasses? Or a microphone headset?

The front of the box (above) gives us a fake company name and logo (Xin Qi Le) and an assortment number (7138 - not a number LEGO has used for any set at the time of this writing.)
We also get a part count of 18 - twice the number that LEGO would have posted for the same contents. But we'll cover that problem a bit later.

(Click for larger view)

The flip side of the box lacks the company and assortment information - showing a different photo of the Warrior. Sadly, the background is blurred to the point we can't tell where they stole their clip-art from.

Yet another panel from the box, showing the Warrior's caring and nurturing side. Note how the leaning spear covers the gaping hole in the side of the horse. (LEGO usually includes a saddle with their horses to help disguise this necessary design flaw in their mounts.)

At left is one of the side panels from the Warrior's box. The text reads "1:1 Scale" - I assume they were trying to copy the graphics LEGO uses on their packaging to show the actual size of the toys inside. The way this reads, though, you get the feeling that the bootleggers somehow crammed a full sized person in to a 3" x 4" x 2" box.

1:1 scale, indeed.

(Oh, and if anyone can translate the non-English part of this package, drop me a line at bat_hero@hotmail.com. I'd love to include that information here.)

It might be worth noting that despite the sword prominently shown in the Warrior logo, the figure doesn't come with a sword, just the spear, shield, and magic helmet.

My copy of Warrior came not only boxed, but carded as well. The box was blister-sealed to a cardboard backer that showed the other five sets in the Warrior's assortment.

(I'm saving images of that packaging for later as I'd rather not reveal those other sets just yet. Since the card didn't have anything in particular to do with the warrior figure (other than including an image of the front of the box) you're really not missing out on anything.)

That said, it's time to move on to the bottom of the Warrior's box. Pictured below, it has the lovely "engrish" statement that "Design is not stand for original product". Does that mean that the box isn't meant to be a figure stand? Is "stand" short for "standard", leading to a translation along the lines of "Product contents may differ from photos"? Or is it bootlegger code for "If you paid money for this set, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like for you to take a look at"? Sadly, the world may never know.

What we do know is that the Warrior is a Choking Hazard for kids three and under. Please write that down now, for later reference.

Opening up the box, we find a shocking lack of instructions. All we get is a poly bag filled with cheap plastic and a sticker.

Opening the bag we find how they reached their "18 part" count. They not only divided the mini-figure into its smallest components - they also tore the horse apart! (Or, more accurately, failed to assemble him at all.)

Of course, the parts included are only distant cousins of the bright and shiny parts shown on the box. The printed silver chest armor is now a brittle chunk of life-preserver yellow plastic. The other silver armor parts have been changed to black, brown, blue, or red.

And did you notice that this is definitely a "horse of a different color"? Yeah, LEGO has yet to go the "Red Horse" route with their product.

This closeup of the mini-figure parts shows another production change - instead of the sunglasses and headset, the figure's face is a bit more goofy - if still a legitimate LEGO part. The torso has a single color design on it that is traced from a much nicer looking LEGO torso.

Lifted from Bricklink, here's a couple of photos of the LEGO version of the parts. Much nicer, eh?

Assembling the parts - no easy task considering the horse was a bit mal-formed inside - we find a figure that sort of looks like the box.

Fully assembled, the Warrior is ready to head off and defend Bootlegs and their sellers. Don't worry about them, though - one strong breeze is enough to shatter this low-quality knock off.

Personally, I'm hoping for a really windy day.

--
Many thanks to Joe from The Undiscovered Playthings for sending me this set to review.

Episode 612

Read the comic here.

For those who need it: Who's On First


FYI: Monday's episode will be up a bit later than usual, but hopefully still on Monday.

Episode 611

Read the comic here.

It's been a while since I covered this, so for those of you who don't know what a Mary Sue is, here's the wiki article. Of course our Mary Sue doesn't quite work like that - she just wishes she did.

Also: A quick link back to 180.

Episode 610

Read the comic here.

If today's strip hadn't been so wordy, I would have gone with my original plan of "Panel 3: No dialog. Donut looks at Fox like she's an idiot. "

Episode 609

Read the comic here.

For the benefit of my non-US readers: Jerry Springer

Episode 608

Read the comic here.

Friday FAIL: Pirate Raider

Hello and welcome to the first a new weekly feature here at Reasonably Clever:

The Friday FAIL

Every Friday at noon I'll be showcasing a real failure of a toy. And by "Failure" I mean "a cheap, crappy knockoff toy that should be destroyed before it infects humanity with some sort of degenerative disease". Yes, I'm returning to my roots as a Bootleg Toy Reviewer.

The format will be a bit different - all my reviews will be here in the Blog, for example - and for the first few months I'll be focusing on nothing but LEGO knock-offs. Why? Because my good friend Joe over at Bootleg Action Figures set me up with several months worth of mini-sets to review.

First up, though, some basic info. These posts are meant to showcase FAILURE, not to act as a catalog. I'm not selling these bootlegs, nor should you go out and look for them on your own. These are posts about what to AVOID buying. Go spend your money on real LEGO parts. You'll be glad you did.

That said, let's take a look at our first FAILure...

I thought it'd be appropriate to kick off a Bootleg Theme with a real Pirated Figure. Luckily there was one in among the swag - the PIRATE RAIDER. As the box informs us, he is "vivid and great in style, handsome appearance." Of course, they have "andgreat" as one word. This, as we will shortly see, is the most minor of the shortcomings this set has to offer.

(You can click on the photo of the box front above for a larger than life-sized view)

The Pirate Raider arrives in a box roughly the size of a standard LEGO impulse set - and the box is certainly deceptive. It's nice and shiny - with eye catching graphics and full color printing on all six sides. But right away you can spot that something is wrong...take a look at the Company Logo...it seems oddly familiar, doesn't it?

Hmmm. You'd almost confuse it with the real LEGO logo...

But I'm sure that's just an innocent mistake... Here. Let's flip the box over to the side without all those troubling logos...

(Click for larger view)

Even without the logo, though, you'll be confronted with a maritime riddle. Just what the heck does this stuff say, anyway?

By cheating and looking at some of the other offerings in this Bootleg Set, I can guess at what this indecipherable font and typo-laden message says. Here's my take on it:

"More New Fashion Style!
Every Style's Fully Wonderful!"

And that was the "easy" batch. If we look on the side of the box, we find another cryptogram:

Here's a closeup of the text, not that it's going to help you any.

My guess?
"Take a ride! Let us take a ride together, It will be a fine recollection! Don't Miss!"

So, by now you're probably a bit concerned about the contents of this mysterious package. Let's go a head and crack her open and see what treasures lurk inside....

Much like a legitimate LEGO set, we find an instruction sheet and a poly-bag full of parts. But let's take a closer look at that instruction sheet.

(Click for larger view)

The instructions are printed on only one side. The BRICK logo is there, and while the colors don't match the packaging, they do match the included parts. The paper is glossy, making this look and feel much like a color xerox. (Which it very well may be.)

But enough with the paper goods - what about the toy itself? Tearing open the plastic bag we find the following assortment of twenty four parts and a sticker. (Nit-picky readers will note only twenty three of the parts are shown - one white cylinder had rolled under the instructions without my noticing it.) Looking back at the box we see that they claim "24 pieces" - so that matches up. But Unlike LEGO they've broken their toy down to an almost molecular level. While LEGO counts a torso assembly as a single part, BRICK counts the arms, hands, and torso components as individual pieces. The same thing occurs with the legs - LEGO as an assembly, while BRICK has a crotch and two legs for a total count of three parts.

At this point I should mention that the plastic used to make these parts is super thin and super brittle. While real LEGO parts have some heft to them, these items are prone to crack if you look at them too harshly. And the few parts that don't feel brittle have that "low grade rubberized" texture to them. Handling this toy is actually physically unpleasant.

But you can't (and shouldn't) experience that first hand, so let me move on to what I can can share- the total evil copyright infringement of the decorated parts. First up, let's take a loot at the large "raft" base:

Instead of the expected "LEGO" name on each dot we have the inexplicable "HOLI" label. What is "HOLI"? (Besides the joyful spring festival of colors in Hinduism, I mean.) A brand name? Shouldn't these dots read "BRICK" per the box? Apparently not.

But we can't stop here. Let's move on to the Pirate Raider himself.

Unlike the version pictured on the box, the included figure (once assembled) shows the cost-cutting nature of most bootlegs. The complex and colorful LEGO spray-ops have been replaced with a single color outline pass on both the face and torso. How can I compare them to LEGO? Because, dear reader, the designs are lifted directly from licensed LEGO parts!

Like this head...

And this torso...

...See?

There's obvious stealing going on (I admit it! I lifted the LEGO images from Bricklink!) to decorate the parts on the Raider. Also be sure to note the goofy blue Fedora and stylish tan pistols on the bootleg. Also note the excess plastic left over from the mold on the bootleg's legs and hands.

Speaking of "excess", let's take a quick gander at the Pirate Flag Sticker included with this set. The shot above shows it fully assembled, as shown in the instruction sheet. Not a bad graphic - the image they picked didn't come from LEGO's Pirate line, anyway.

Of course, the sticker doesn't fit on the LEGO-scaled flag piece. If you turn things around you can see the fringed end of the sticker flapping in the breeze. There's some great quality control. The fun part is that you can see this odd design choice in the instructions as well. A good example of how bootleg toy makers "Just don't care."

I'll finish up this first Friday FAIL with a shot of the completed Pirate Raider kit. It wasn't easy to assemble - the yellow bricks would only snap together with the white bricks from one side, and only after a fair amount of force was applied. And the figure doesn't snap onto the raft's surface at all. But I think you get the idea.

But in case you missed it, here's the idea spelled out for you:
RUN. RUN AWAY NOW.

And just think. I have nearly a dozen more sets similar to this one to share with you! Aren't you excited?

Hopefully so. In any case, check back next Friday at noon for another episode of

FRIDAY FAIL!

Episode 607

Read the comic here.

Any day you can start by calling Batman an "Emo Leech" is bound to be a good day.

Edit to add:

For newer readers, Zombie Wash is a Cosplayer as revealed way back in strip 175.

Episode 606

Read the comic here.

Episode 605

Read the comic here.

For those of you who haven't been exposed to the concept of door-to-door religion previously: Jehovah's Witnesses on Wiki

Episode 604

Read the comic here.

Poor Scotch. From one generic look to another. (To another, if you start with his generic frog-body.)

Upcoming feature!

Hey guys. It was a busy holiday for me - I didn't get nearly as much work done for the site as I had hoped...on the other hand I'm not feeling nearly as burnt out on the whole concept as I was a week or two ago.

One of the new features I have planned for 2009 is thanks to an old friend of mine - a friend I made back in the days when I was running The Island of Bootleg Toys. Fellow Bootleg-Enthusiast Joe dropped me a line to let me know he was resurrecting Bootleg Action figures: The Undiscovered Playthings - updated into a new blog-format with all new reviews and content, as well as an archive of his past reviews. We got to talking, and of course I expressed interest in any LEGO-themed Bootlegs he could spot.

Well, Joe found some good ones. Not just "compatible" knock-offs, but blatant rip-offs that have stolen unique LEGO parts. Feeling my knowledge (read: obsession) with LEGO might make for a more in-depth review, Joe has agreed to send some of them my way.

This teaser picture Joe sent me shows just a few of the sets I'll be looking at in the coming weeks - but even this low-res shot shows some really tacky things like the "Brick" logo in the LEGO style and the "Star Wars" set with the Life on Mars aliens.

As always, these reviews will be written with the intent of making sure you don't buy these sets - trust me, the last thing you want to own are a bunch of knock-off LEGO bricks. (Did MegaBloks teach you nothing?) I'll risk the brittle plastic, lead paint, and mental anguish for you. Although I might just share a bit of that mental suffering.

Anyway, look for this new feature to start up in late January! In the meantime, be sure to stop by Joe's Blog for the latest in Bootleg News!

Episode 603

Read the comic here.

Episode 602

Read the comic here.

Blog Troubles

As sometimes happens, Blogger was implementing a bug fix of some sort and managed to mess up the FTP-reliant blogs like this one. I'm sure it'll get fixed in the next day or so; and when it does this post will appear to let you know things are back to normal.

To illustrate my feelings, here's a closeup of a toy I found at TRU over the holiday break:

Episode 601

Read the comic here.